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Let me tell you why this pisses me off...
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Whiskey in one hand a slice of Cheesecake in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming Woo-Hoo! What a Ride!"
This is just the kind of personal philosophy that makes people drink, drug or [insert addiction here]
themselves to obliteration and die before
seeing 30. It suggests that you live your life in an exciting fashion and die without regret.
That's just fine, but I have a big problem with what is inferred. You see, if you were to "skid in sideways" then you
died abruptly like someone who just crashed his white Ford Bronco in a high-speed chase with the cops.
It sounds to me like someone who drives their bi-wheeled crotch-rocket at break-neck speeds in between 18-wheeled
tractor/trailers. This kind of person, if they embrace the quote to it's fullest, wouldn't hesitate to enjoy the rush that
comes from robbing a bank or exploding their brain with a narcotic-cocktail. If it is suicide that's just fine by me - Live and let Die as the song says - but
it's when they cut me off on their bike or forget that they have children or steal my car to feed their drug habit or skid sideways into my living-room
yelping "What a ride" that I get a bit miffed. This quote-living person would be narcissistic at least and at worst a
true sociopath. Goddamn it, we're all in this together and if you go sliding in sideways what does that leave the rest
of us but a ripped up flower garden, a motorbike in our pantry and a grave with an arm hanging out of it?
You'll note that the Alcohol group is the longest with food coming in second.
You'll also note that nobody wants to die with rosary beads, a military-issue rifle, their briefcase or some duct-tape and Saran Wrap.
Funny thing, that.
Nobody mentions their iPod either. Guess it's just a fad. You can't take it with you, you know!
Last words: YAHOOO, YEEHAW, Y-E-E-E-E-E H-A-A-A-A-A-A-A, Hell-Yeah, God Damn, F*ck, Holy [Shit/Wow/Crap/Cow], What a ride!, What a trip!, That was bitchin!, How good was that, etc.
Seems lots of people curse as they die. That's reasonable and to be expected but for something you can only ever do once, you think more people would have thought up something better than "That was bitchin". Might I make a suggestion?
Better last words:
Ok, I stole a few of those from people who uttered famous last words. I could have included "I regret that I have but one life to give for my country" or "My god, my god! Why have you forsaken me!". Going out a plagiarist is better than going out infringing on trademarks by spewing "YAHOOO".Final notes:
Some people took extra literary license. Some folks skid in, others slide in. Slide in sounds like they really botched that attempt to stretch a hit into a triple and died when they were tagged out by third baseman. That's actually a good way to go, especially if your team is winning because they'll probably call the game "on account of corpse". The "Body thoroughly used up" seems optional. Ok. Some have added "no money left". Nice one. Guess you expect my taxes will pay to cinder your loser corpse. Screw that! We the living will be tossing your bloated meat sack in the dump. Let the rats gnaw gnaw gnaw! Now THAT's a way to die! Yeehaaaaw! Yeehaaaaw!