Score: Cannoli 2, Chompers 0. Health/Fitness

Ok, so I’m like hanging out with some friends at a pizza place and someone says they want a cannoli and the next thing I know we like all have one and I’m eating it and I don’t know what happened but it was crispy and so like it broke my teeth. Yeah, like two of them. Seriously! Dislike!

For the past 4 years or so I’ve had problems with the lower right molars. They don’t like cold. They don’t like hot. They really don’t like when I eat “Jolly Ranchers” or chew gum. Standard tooth pain and no big deal. Two dentists radiated my face and couldn’t find anything structurally wrong.

Score: Cannoli 2, Dentists 0. Undefeated!

It did not hurt when they went but something didn’t feel right. I excused myself and visited the lavatory where I spit & rinsed. The fragments were nowhere to be found. I’m assuming I swallowed them or the were pulverized into vapor by the mighty cannoli crust. Upon closer mirror-aided inspection, both teeth lost their interior side and part of the top. It blows my mind that two could break at the same time – possibly on the same bite! On second thought, maybe it’s not such an odd thing. After all, they are the same age and they had both been filled nearly 20 years ago by the same dentist.

All that’s left is part of the original enamel & a jaggy hunk of plutonium or whatever they used to fill teeth with back in the 80s. I’m kinda broken up (ha ha) about having tooth shards but I’m glad the teeth finally decided they had enough of being pains in the gum. For the moment they’re more sensitive being all exposed but hopefully I’ll have them capped and then… no more pain when I slurp a cold drink or breakfast up a hot bagel. I’ll be trying to arrange some dentistry this week to find out what can be done. Until then I have to do most of my masticating on the sinister side and resist continuously exploring my new mawscape before I wear off the side of my tongue.

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