Everything is progressing well on the purchase of the new house. Nothing really to complain about except I don’t know where it is we’ll be moving in a few weeks!

It all started when the insurance folks asked me which county can claim ownership of the land. I blinked… loudly… and proclaimed that I really had no idea! Its on the border you see and my map didn’t have enough detail. I’ve since looked it up and it’s indeed Monmouth but the fun doesn’t stop there, oh no! You see there’s also the zip code to throw monkey wrenches all around haphazardly.  I’ve been hit in the works with a Monk-Wren and it smarts!

Here’s the thing: Our zip code is officially 07735. The tax tables say that 07735 contains Cliffwood Beach [Monmouth] (Us), Cliffwood Beach [Middlesex], Union Beach & Keyport. I can rule out the Middlesex & Union Beach addresses, but the trouble is the address written on The Deed says Keyport while maps obviously point to Cliffwood Beach. Which is it?

This is no arbitrary decision. Hundreds of dollars in property taxes (which we’ve learned are paid to Aberdeen by the way) and preferential treatment by the insurance companies is at stake! I’ve decided that I’m going to say Cliffwood Beach when folks ask where I’m homing up. If they give me the “Oh my god I’ve lived in NJ for [n] years and I have no idea where that is but I don’t want Eric to know that!” look I’ll say it’s in Keyport. If the look continues I’ll just add “Exit 117” and they’ll smile and nod approvingly because everyone knows that’s exactly [n] miles from their Parkway exit.

Uh.

What was I writing about again? I don’t remember. I’m going to bed. While there I’ll dream of my new house in Keypwood Beach, Monmoddlesex County.

Wow! What a difference having a motivated seller makes when trying to buy a house! We’re out of Attorney Review, have the inspection planned for later this afternoon & a mortgage company picked out. My goodness, this could actually happen this time!

Unless the inspection reveals gremlins in the appliances & a troll in the basement anyway.

So I’m glad we’re finally progressing but I’m pissed that I missed the boat on good interest rates. The first time we had pre-approval for a loan our rate was 6.125%. The best we could do now is 6.5%. If you don’t care to do the math I’ll do it for you: 0.375% amounts to $54/month or $19,370 over the term of the loan. I choose to look at it this way: lawyers and bankers have already cost us over $20,000 and we haven’t even closed yet. Thanks!

Here’s the thing: I won’t forget this. The plan right now is to leave the state (and the law specifying that lawyers are mandatory) for the next house purchase and go somewhere cheaper. I don’t intend on taking a loan for that next house. If things work out Banks will never see another dime from me. I’m not just bitter because of the whole “buying a house” fiasco either. Many years ago First Union dropped a fee on me for not holding a minimum balance. They took my remaining few bucks, bounced a few of my checks and then didn’t tell me for a week during which time I bounced another check.  It cost me around $60. Why did I let it drop below the “minimum balance” you ask? Because in the agreement I signed with the bank that was purchased by FU there was no minimum. They simply usurped my bank, changed the rules and reaped the benefits of fees on all of the “legacy” accounts. Thanks!

I pointedly chose the word Usurp above.  I look at banks as the new monarchy. Did prior monarchs rule because they were regal & just? Of bloody course not! They ruled because they had all of the money! In the end they could afford to pay the military to keep people in line and for really thick/tall walls when they stepped over that line. The only difference is the banks can’t tax us directly. Or can they?

When it comes time to close the deal on the new house I need to hand over the down payment. The banks refuse to take cash or a personal check. I can only hand over a Certified Check or make a Wire Transfer.

The Bank charges me $12 & $15 dollars for each respectively. I smell taxation. Where’s my representation?